


Who hurt the sky (enough to make it cry)

by SeoulWings13



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Crying, Driving, Emotions, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hiding, Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan Are Best Friends, Ice Cream, Panic Attacks, Rain, Terror, Understanding, Unresponsive, a fic I've had in my head for a year, fear of the rain, jeonghan is caring, like brothers, rey why did you write this, sunshowers, taste spring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29975022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeoulWings13/pseuds/SeoulWings13
Summary: Joshua Hong hated the rain.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Who hurt the sky (enough to make it cry)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FlooRose12371](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlooRose12371/gifts).



> Love you all~ 
> 
> Floo this is for you because you helped me write this and everything :)  
> Also out love for the lads is great. Your kind words get me through so much.
> 
> This fic is near and dear to my heart because
> 
> 1\. it's a Joshua Hong fic, and I am whipped for that man.  
> 2\. it's a fic close to my heart, and the concept is so personal.
> 
> Comments, Kudos, and Bookmarks are appreciated!!
> 
> Please enjoy!

**"No matter how difficult and hard something is, I will always be positive and smile like an idiot." - Joshua Hong**

**\------------------------------**

It doesn't rain a ton in LA. The postcard beaches swarm with people no matter the time. The jokes about people from California getting depressed if it rained too often had become a stereotype, but one Joshua was proving true. It was Jeonghan who first noticed when Joshua poked his head out to look at the sky but retreated inwards when he saw the fat drops tumbling downwards. 

It had been nice for the first couple of months, but the showers of rain had no pattern and couldn't be predicted. Joshua started carrying a small umbrella but seemed disappointed every time he had to use it. The normally even-tempered member became moody when the clouds covered the sun. 

However, when the sun shone and the clouds dissolved into vapor, Jeonghan could swear Joshua glowed. A spring in his step appeared, any trace of anger vanishing from his face. He was infinitely more at ease and eager to please. This wasn't too big of a difference, Han knew Shua kept a tight grip on himself and his emotions to not yell and to help out whenever needed. Just when the sun rays filtered into the dorm, it was easier.

Yet when the clouds released freshwater to cleanse the land, Joshua's earbuds seemed to be implanted in his ears, ballads pouring from the small speakers only contributing to his mood. The days off were spent huddled in blankets and humming to songs. When asked, he generally would get up and assist with whatever the other members needed. Han chewed his lip. He was intensely worried when Joshua had no motivation to get up.

He'd watch the boy doze in and out, the smile absent from his face. Even if Joshua's smile was forced or small, Han liked seeing it. He knew that the effort meant something was working in Joshua's brain. Something was trying to function. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't a way anybody should live, but Han just wanted to see Joshua get up. 

The day dawned, crisp and sunny. It was nearing the end of the rainy season, and with any luck, Joshua's mood would ease. Han hated the worry lines that seemed to be embedded in Joshua's furrowed brow. He knocked on the door to Shua's room, pushing it open. It was dark, and the lump in the bed signaled the slim LA boy was still inside it.

"Shua?" his voice was soft, like the one someone might use to wheedle a cat out from under the couch.

"Yeah?" Joshua's messy head poked up from out of the pillows, turning to look at Han who was pulling back the curtains. 

"It's nice outside, you should come with us to get ice cream or something." 

He could see the cogs turning in the other male's mind, trying to weigh the pros and cons. Joshua had been absent-minded lately, but the innate consideration for others wouldn't let him decline the offer. A curious thought poked at Jeonghan, and he hesitated to ask it. _Why did the rain affect him so much?_ He held his tongue. Joshua didn't need that right now.

"Yeah, okay. Give me a second to get dressed and stuff." Shua pulled himself into a sitting position before vanishing into the bathroom. Jeonghan smiled, the worry lightening a little. 

Joshua immerged twenty minutes later to find a sleeping Han. He chuckled lightly to himself; Han was exhausted from the schedule. Shaking his friend softly, the two went out to join the others. They were divided into three cars of three and one of four. Suengcheol, Jihoon, and Soonyoung were designated drivers already, but the fourth was always a flip of the coin. Joshua ended up in the car; probably the best as he was the one with the least amount of road rage. 

Han called shotgun, letting Chan and Minghao duke it out in the backseat. Jisoo seemed more relaxed as he navigated through the streets, a small tune escaping his lips. The sunshine was good for him, and Jeonghan patted himself on the back for dragging him out of the house. The four cars parked and the boys spilled out running to the shop.

Joshua let out a snort at the poor shop owner having orders yelled left and right. It was a welcome sound of humor Han was overjoyed to hear. Seungcheol pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to corral the members assisted by Jihoon. Jeonghan smiled and put a reassuring hand on Joshua's shoulder. The sun was out. They were happy. Maybe, just maybe, he could ask the burning question. 

"Shua?" Han finally opened his mouth and spoke after much thought and internal battling.

"Yeah?" The younger looked over, resting his head on Han's shoulder. 

"Why do you hate the rain?" Jeonghan could've sworn several emotions flitted across Jisoo's face, finally settling in a sad smile. 

"Rain means the sky is crying cause it's hurt. Back home, the people were happy, and the weather was happy. Here, it hurts more." Joshua chuckled again. It was a juvenile sentiment, but one he couldn't shake. 

"Why would the sky hurt?" Jeonghan was shocked at the poetic sentiment, and how much of a sap Jisoo really was. 

"Who knows? Didn't you bring me here for ice cream though?"

"Maybe." 

\--

It began to rain as they were driving home, and Jeonghan saw Shua's face cloud over almost instantly. The look previously described as "moody" was now broken down into sadness, fear, anguish, resentment, and disapproval. In an effort to try and lighten the mood, Han started chattering aimlessly about random topics. Minghao would chime in, and Chan had fallen asleep from running around. 

Joshua was silent, gaze focused straight ahead, knuckles white from gripping the wheel too tightly. His breathing was light, and demeanor focused, though stress wrote itself all over his slim frame. Driving was a strong suit, but driving in the rain threw all the skills he had out the window. Everyone's conversation faded in the background as he repeated steps to himself in English. It worried Han a little, but he couldn't understand what was being said.

"Brake. Gas. Signal. Wipers. Turn. Left. Right." The words became a chant in his head, trying to make sense of the thick mist that covered the roads. Thundering booms rolled through the air. The sky wasn't just crying, it was upset. Hot angry droplets beat down on the car, threatening to pull them off course and kill them. 

Joshua didn't realize where they were until he pulled into the parking garage. Hao and Chan moved quickly to the dorms, leaving the two friends behind. Joshua was sitting stiffly in the driver's seat, trying to calm down. He hated the obscuring of his vision when the fat droplets pelted downwards, the anger in the storm above.

His face reflected the internal storm brewing, and it scared Han, just a little. One of the most mature and composed members of their group couldn't relax from a simple driving trip. He reached out a tentative arm, trying to reassure his presence to Joshua. Rubbing the American's back, he felt the muscles slowly relax and ease into the seat. The careful control Joshua used to keep himself in line wasn't working as well as it should've. 

"Joshi."

Joshua looked over at him.

"Speak to me. Please."

Han watched Joshua's mouth open, attempt to form words, and then close. Jisoo seemed to fold into a tight ball, knees to his chest, head resting in his arms. He was scared. Jeonghan had accepted his answer before, but here Joshua was so clearly terrified of something, something relating to the water that dripped down from the sky in the form of tears. Quiet sniffles were heard from the small ball that was Shua. Shaking and releasing of pent-up emotion. How long had he been hurting like this?

Jeonghan wasn't going to let his best friend- no, family- suffer like this. Josh was a brother to him, one that was annoying, grumpy, sweet, sensitive, and a pain. Rubbing more small circles into the younger's back, he tried to coax Joshua to at least uncurl. Finally getting out and scooping up the boy, bridal style, Han began walking up to the dorms. 

Usually, it was the opposite way; Joshua carried Han. Today, Han doubted Shua's legs could even support 130 lbs. Joshua had only taught him one phrase in English; and now Han just repeated it over and over, hoping if he said it enough the clouded haze of pain would go away and Joshua would be better. 

"I love you. I love you. I love you." over and over, the words tumbled out of his mouth, trying to stem the flow of tears. 

The dorm was mostly quiet with everyone being in their rooms, and Han managed to get Joshua into his room and on the bed. Jisoo relaxed slightly as his neck hit the pillows, his quiet sniffles turning into more audible whimpers. Han whispered the singular phrase, trying to calm Shua just a little. 

Eventually, Joshua fell asleep from exhaustion. He still shook in his sleep, trying to run from something, and Han stayed by his side. It was nerve-wracking, but relieving to see Shua finally unbottling the intense emotions he'd kept pent up inside. If their schedule wasn't so full tomorrow, Jeonghan would've asked for the day off. 

\--

Joshua awoke to a passed-out Han, clouds, sore muscles, and a throbbing headache. Getting up carefully, he retreated to the bathroom thankful for the few moments alone. He really didn't remember getting out of the car but assumed it had something to do with the sleeping male on his bed. What did he remember?

He remembered the rain and driving. He remembered how scary it had been, the booming thunder and sheets of rain. He remembered the sweet, vanilla-flavored ice cream and Han asking him why he hated the rain. He hadn't told Han he was scared of it. 

Joshua Jisoo Hong was terrified of the rain. When the clouds opened up and the sky unleashed its fury, he was almost six again. There were big firefighters and other personnel running around evacuating people. It was all over the news, everything pelting down in sheets. He had been playing when a crack of lightning crashed down, a tree catching on fire. 

The news reported four people dead. The rain was a remnant of Hurricane Flossie, and it was deadly. Lost in the water, car crashes ensued. His father nearly died from one, being rushed to the intensive care unit. Joshua grew to detest the rain, fearing it. It only caused him pain. His mother understood. Thankfully it rarely rained in California. 

He splashed some water on his face before looking in the mirror. It felt good, waking him up a little. His heart was thrumming in his chest, begging him to slow down, just a little. Exiting the bathroom, and watching a very sleepy-looking Jun enter, Joshua uttered a "good morning" like he always did. His grip was back for now. 

The prep for the photoshoot was intense and a little unnecessary, in Joshua's mind. Each member was assigned three different concepts. One group concept and two solo ones. He looked his list over, eyebrows creeping higher and higher. The group concept was doable; it being a caged animal look. His solo concepts included Dark and Sexy and a concept marked as "Sad - Test concept."

They were significantly different from his normal "innocent gentleman" look. As powders gave his eyes a smokey flair, and the shirt he was given sheer, cropped, and the top three buttons left undone, he felt more like a doll than a person. The photos were taken as he tilted his head, bit his lip, and sat. It was uncomfortable, the shirt riding up too high and exposing toned abs. This was what they meant by sexy? 

The concept for sad was a simple outfit, jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black hoodie; with pictures taken in the rain, mist, and fog everywhere. He couldn't bring himself to deny it and found himself standing in the rain, droplets stinging his skin. It was hard to focus, his mind kept drifting. More than once he was told to relax because he looked too stiff. Jeonghan was watching, covering him with an umbrella between shots. 

It was exhausting, his mounting terror filling every crevice of his mind, though told himself he could hold it together for work. This was a job. He could take it, and he did. They were almost done, only a couple of night shots and he'd be allowed to warm up and finish his shoot the next day. Joshua was proud of himself for sticking it out, though internally he was figuring the long, overdue, and violent panic attack would hit him after the shoot.

As the camera shutter clicked for the last time, an exhausted Jisoo pulled a towel around his shoulders, ready to climb into the welcoming van- thank the heavens he wasn't driving. A flash of lightning streaked across the sky, the thunder echoing with a deafening boom. Jisoo panicked, desperately groping at anything that would stop the panic attack until he was safe at the dorms.

Instead, he found himself shaking on the floor of the van, silent tears streaming down his face. His breaths were faint and shaky, his limbs as useful as jello. His hair was soaked and stuck to his neck. All Joshua could focus on was the raw emotion around him. It was so dark, every muscle tightly locked in place, eyes squeezed shut. It was nice when everything started going numb but never had he felt so helpless and out of control. 

The thrum of the engine was deafening. He had been so cold from the rain, now he was freezing. Vaguely aware of the voices surrounding him, he felt someone moving further into the van and shutting the door. He wanted to yell at the person, tell them to leave him alone, but instead, they were right next to him, whispering a singular phrase in English. All the fight drained out of him, leaving the cold fear behind.

_I love you._

Joshua was scrunched into a ball smaller than last time, Han seated on the floor next to him, whispering the one thing he could. He tried taking Shua's hands in his, warming the icy fingers with his own. The discarded towel was used to dry Jisoo's hair. The repeated, small movements and newfound warmth comforted him, pulling him out of the despair engulfing him. He was safe, everyone was safe, nothing was on fire. Slowly, like a flower, the boy uncurled. He slipped onto his back, chest heaving, and eyes prickling. 

Han's gentle rubbing kept his panic low, the attack sure to come back, but Shua just wanted to be somewhere safe and comfortable before letting his grip go. The sound of the thunder kept reverberating in Jisoo's head, causing him to shake it violently. Where were his earbuds when he needed them?

Han wordlessly helped him stand and get into the dorm and his room before collapsing. He was panicked and speaking, a little incoherently. Han just tried to listen to the shaking words forcing their way in a tumble from Shua's mouth. The terror was evident in the words, Han was pretty sure he caught the words hurricane, car accident, and death. He wasn't sure, Joshua was slipping in and out of Korean. 

Hansol could help translate, but Han wouldn't leave the younger alone for a second, nor would he expose Joshua's vulnerable state to another. Anxiety and fear were very personal things, especially for Jisoo who faked a smile whenever it was possible. 

Han listened as the Korean in Joshua's voice became more prevalent. Every word made him cradle the younger male just a little bit tighter in his arms, trying to get him to calm down. There was every reason for Shua to be terrified, Han was terrified for him. It explained the careful driving, the panic when he saw the lighting, the aversion to the rain.

What let the rain rage so freely, that it was hurting Joshua mentally? 

When the attack subsided, Joshua sat, staring at the wall. He was still heaving for breath, the slim shoulders held tight by the clothes for his shoot. Jeonghan couldn't help but ask one question. 

"It's the absence of being able to see and be in control that scares you? And that's associated with the rain?"

Jisoo nodded, once, then twice. "Yeah."

"Have you ever heard of a Sunshower?"

\--

It had been planned perfectly. Joshua was still hesitant with the idea, although Jeonhan promised it was nothing like what had been going on. It was rain where there were no clouds, the sun was shining, and peace seemed to cover the Earth. Jeonghan was thinking about what to bring to eat, settling on lightly dusted sugar pastries. Joshua would probably shake his head, and deny the sweets, but would give in.

He knew his brother. Was it weird that's how Jeonghan referred to the younger male? He denied it in his mind, the love for Shua went deeper than a romance, and he loved that man. Jisoo was a doll, perfect on the outside, but hollow on the inside. Someone like Joshua needed to be listened to, cared for. 

The two sat out, enjoying the sun when crystal droplets showered down on them. Joshua looked up, inclining his head to see, and possibly run from, the clouds in the air. There were none. The sky still shone a pale blue, the water streaming down from nowhere. Jeonghan watched Jisoo get up, walking a little ways from the blanket. The boy, once so terrified of the rain had his mouth slightly open, tasting spring. His eyes were shut, lashes delicate fluttering when a drop happened to bounce off of them.

As Jeonghan watched, he was sure there were tears mixed in with the rain. Shua, angel-like Joshua Hong, smiled ever so slightly, coated in the golden rays of the sun.

**\----------**

**I have a lot of tears**   
**But I don’t wanna cry**

**Author's Note:**

> Golden sunshowers :) 
> 
> I hope y'all don't mind the extra quote at the bottom, but yes DWC was my first SVT song and by far my favorite. I remember when it first came out :)
> 
> Comments, Kudos, and Bookmarks are appreciated!!
> 
> Until next time, Loves
> 
> -Rey


End file.
